“When Did Dean Dave Join Our Groupme?” Wonder First-Years


Earlier this week, the students of Armstrong-Pratt 4 were baffled by the sudden presence of Dave Johnson, Dean of First Year students, in their entry Groupme.


The surprising entrance by Dean Johnson was preceded by a seemingly run-of-the-mill comment from first year Ben Weiss. According to Weiss, “This kid Nick in our entry was being an idiot, so I wrote ‘nick you fucking idiot lol.’” Weiss added, “I’ve sort of carved out my niche as the entry ‘funny guy,’ so I was expecting a couple of likes, but nothing like this.”

Not one minute after Weiss sent the message, an account named “Dean Dave” responded, “lmao bro get fucking roasted.” Entrymates were immediately skeptical that the account was really Dean Johnson, but the account photo and name appeared to be legitimate, and the member count had increased from 42 to 43. A Haystack investigation later confirmed the account belonged to Dean Johnson.


“I think that everyone was a little bit uncomfortable,” admitted Mark Tammaro, Junior Advisor of AP 4. “We asked everyone if they had added him, and no one knew anything. We scrolled back as far as we could, but we couldn’t find where he joined. Why would he message us all of a sudden?”


Johnson has since remained rather quiet on the entry Groupme. His last activity was to a “liked” post from Katie Holland ’22 asking “drisc @ 6?” Holland says that Johnson did not come. “I’m disappointed,” Holland said, “but not surprised.”

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