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"Super Chill" JA Lets Frosh Speak to Each Other


While the unique circumstances of this semester have been stressful for many, one cool-as-fuck JA has been unfazed by the changes to campus life. Sage AB JA Benjamin Danger ‘22 has earned the respect of his entry this semester with a hands-off approach that frosh have described as “fine,” “cool, I guess,” and “who? Ben? Is that one of the JAs?” According to reports from multiple Sage AB residents, Danger has been allowing frosh to speak to each other, make eye contact, and even pass by each other in the hallways without yelling and poking each other away with long spears.


Danger established his chill presence during the first entry meeting of the year. “I’m not here to be your Dad,” he said to the group of frosh who all are no more than 30 months younger than him. “Think of me as a cool uncle. The type lets you go to PG-13 movies when you’re twelve or lets you play Monopoly when you’re seven even though the age range is ‘8 and up.’” Many frosh claim they still remember the meeting to this day, because “it was only a few days ago.”


“He told us ‘not to worry too much’ if we forget our mask when we go to the bathroom.” said Cecelia Perez ‘24, her eyes full of either wonder or complete indifference. “Which is cool I guess but like—once we’re all out of quarantine we don’t have to do that anyway. So who gives a shit.”


Danger claims he never intended to become “the cool JA,” but it just happened naturally. “Yeah, I guess you could call me a ‘born leader.’ I was actually the captain of my high school’s tennis team,” he told us, unprompted.


His freshmen have noticed. “Yeah, I guess I’d say he treats us like equals,” said Julia Sanchez ‘24. “It’s almost as if we’re about the same age and he’s a volunteer with literally no institutional power.” Although his freshmen seem to like him, at least a little bit, some in the administration don’t see him as the kind of “sexy-rule-breaker” that he described himself as to us, again unprompted.


“Do I disapprove of what he’s doing? Why would I? We haven’t prohibited any of those things. There are no rules against them,” said Dean Sandstrom between mouthfuls of a big pastrami sandwich. “Honestly, the kid kinda seems like a narc if you ask me.”


But Danger has not let the administration’s “clear contempt” for him hold him back. He tells The Haystack that he’s certain he’s doing the right thing, even if it’s “kind of badass and vigilante.”


“Hey,” he said, while doing pushups in front of us, “sometimes you gotta let the kids play.”


Editors-in-Chief

Lucy Walker     Noah Cohen-Greenberg     Sam Mermin