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Kid Who Talks Too Much in Class Probably Had Great Childhood


While many students find the Winter Study course Kurt Vonnegut in History vaguely interesting, no student has been more consistently engaged than Vicky Robertson ‘22, who has contributed to class discussions a stunning four-hundred and sixteen times in only two class meetings.


Robertson’s classmates quickly took note of her highly unusual behaviors, such as failing to begin any of her comments with “I’m not sure about this, but…” and never knowingly laughing along with classmates who made jokes about wanting to die. “There’s just something different about her,” said classmate Joey Murphy ‘21, who kind of hates his dad but makes it work like the rest of us. “The only explanation I can think of for why she thinks it’s okay to talk this much is that she must have experienced some real, genuine happiness between the ages of 5 and 18.”


When asked how she was able to exert such control over her class, Robertson removed her Canada Goose jacket, took a sip from her Hydroflask, and responded by saying, “I guess I just have an innate sense of what to say and when to say it.” She then repeated this exact concept, phrased slightly differently, for another forty-five minutes, before excusing herself for a phone call with her mother, which we can only assume went really, really well, and brightened both of their days.


Classmates more or less corroborated Robertson’s account, describing her as “confident,” “self-assured,” “insufferable,” “empowered,” and “clearly the type of kid whose parents would always listen to her stories about what happened on her class trip to the planetarium instead of just telling her to shut up like normal parents would.” Some have taken to rolling their eyes every time she speaks, but Robertson doesn’t pay them any attention. She learned not to let others impact her emotions during her very, very good childhood.

Editors-in-Chief

Lucy Walker     Noah Cohen-Greenberg     Sam Mermin