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JA You Suspect Might Be a Beaver a Little Too Ok With Your Suggestion of Woodchips For Sunday Snacks

“So uhhh, what about woodchips?” your eyes dart around the room as you pose the question, but there’s really only one response you care about. Maybe it was his slick fur that first caught your eye. Maybe it was the way his tail seemed to just thwap against the floor whenever he was excited. You noticed a glimmer, a sparkle in those rodent eyes.

“I mean if that would be alright with everyone else,” he answered sheepishly, or beaverly, beaverishly, beaverdly, like a beaver, he answered in a manner akin to how a beaver would, ya know because he’s definitely a beaver. “Ya know, I was thinking that the Log was a little disappointing last time. I mean, personally, I felt like I was expecting something else if you guys know what I mean. Also, the other options do seem a little expensive, so we’d really just be making the best decision value-wise.”

He was caught, just like a… like a fucking… like a… like a beaver in a… in a fucking beaver trap. Yeah that was it. All your suspicions since the first day of First Days finally confirmed thanks to a masterstroke in investigation. He really thought he could say that he was from Delaware without you catching on, as if that’s not an obviously made-up name for a made-up place. Delaware. What a piece of shit beaver asshole. As if you’re not Del-aware of the tomfoolery he’s been pulling before your very eyes, masquerading amongst the honorable Junior Advisor Association, spitting in the mouths of JAs past, present, and future and poisoning the youths with his dainty little beaver-esque beaver hands.

There had to be more, though. You had to be 100 percent absolutely goddamn sure. “Yeah and maybe after we can go down to the river and I don’t know like build a wall in it or something, just an idea,” you suggest coyly.

“Okay now you’re kinda starting to sound like a beaver or something of that nature. I thought we were college students not beavers, wouldn’t that be crazy if we were though?” Damnit! He was too good. All of those years spent making water not go anymore had hardened his mind to interrogation. You would get him though. One of these days would be the last for that rat beaver bastard.

Editors-in-Chief

Lucy Walker     Noah Cohen-Greenberg     Sam Mermin