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Guy Talking a Lot in Your PoliSci Class Not Tall Enough to be President

Thursday afternoon’s meeting of PSCI 124: Leaders, Heroes, Geniuses, Brotherhood was marked by a slew of passionate comments from Jackson Boops ‘24, who, despite his quick thinking and strong dedication to the study of Political Science, measures in at about five-foot-four and three quarters and could obviously never be president.

“These are the types of issues that will define our government in the 21st century,” Boops wistfully replied to Professor Sara Webster’s question “How was everyone’s weekend?” Regardless of Boops’ eloquence, no world exists where he has even a remote chance at holding any meaningful elected office, as the voters would be hearing not his words, but his small, underwhelming stature.

Of the seventy-five minutes of total class time, approximately seventy-two minutes were taken up by Boops’ meditation on the topic of inflation. Unfortunately, Boops still can’t ride the big boy rides at the state fair, and surely could never hold his own on a debate stage with the leaders of tomorrow.

“I’d love to piggyback off of what Tommy just said,” Boops said towards the end of class, clearly wishing he could physically piggyback on Tommy’s considerably less intelligent but assuredly 6’4” frame. “I agree that antidemocratic tendencies can often be self-reinforcing and this pattern is only intensified in today’s age of lightning-fast transmission of information.” Professor Webster, who had described Tommy’s initial comment as “spot-on,” merely groaned and gave a little shrug when the same words came out of Boops’ mouth, which was speaking from maybe five-feet-and-one-inch off the ground.

“I was really impressed with Jackson at the beginning of the year, as we started the class on Zoom. Since then, well…” Webster’s eyes drifted towards Boops, who was straining to reach for a dry-erase marker stuck to the middle of the whiteboard. “Since then, I’m not so sure.”


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