“What the hell, man?” stated Joseph Garcia ‘22 on Monday, after his friend, Cody Lee ‘21, declined to get lunch, citing “Requests to hang out cannot be processed at the given due time, it exceeds merchant order capacity.”
Garcia had lived with Lee in Carter the year before, but this year they split up into different pods. Despite their shared time in Math 250, Garcia told The Haystack that he is growing nervous about his increasingly distant relationship with Lee. “I feel like I just never see him anymore. We used to spend time together every 2-5 PM, and sometimes on Saturday nights we’d be out till 2 AM, just eating breakfast burritos and enjoying our time together.”
Garcia was forced to put in a request to hang out later, but the first available time was the following Tuesday at 9:30 AM. “It was certainly not the time I was hoping for,” said Garcia. “I have class then, but maybe if I don’t pick him up for a few hours he’ll still be in the fridge at noon.”
Upon scheduling time to hang out, Lee handed Garcia a slip of paper with the number 3451 printed on it. After tracking down Lee’s personal notebook, Haystack reporters were able to verify that he had in fact hung out with 3450 people at that point in the semester.
Number 23 on Lee’s list was Julia Daily ‘22. The Haystack was able to interview her on the privilege of being one of the first students to spend time with Lee. She told The Haystack, “It feels pretty special to be so high up on the list. I was in Team Eph with Cody, so I must’ve just gotten lucky to know him before anyone else did. I also slid my hangout order through at 2:35 AM, so I probably beat most of the other early birds.”
Many first-years wondered why Lee was such a desirable lunch date when they first arrived on campus. However, they understood the allure completely when they learned that he wrote for The Haystack.
Despite obtaining a time to hang out with Lee, Garcia is still debating whether or not to just give up on ordering with Lee and get in line to see Seymour Whitman ‘23. “He’s really not so bad,” says Garcia. “But I did see him picking his nose in Poli Sci 203.” Despite the long wait for a time with Lee, Whitman’s line is completely empty.