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COVID By the Numbers: Honeydew Consumption up 85%, Sex Down 48%



Student life at Williams has undergone dramatic changes this fall, so reporters at The Haystack sent out a survey to see just exactly how students’ lives were affected. The results, as you will see, are surprising and very scary. Let’s crunch the numbers.


Sex and Food


The first question on the Haystack survey was, “How’s your sex life, and also do you eat honeydew at Whitman’s, it’s the green melon one?” At least 60% of students said that they eat more honeydew than they usually would, and several students said they have less sex. We can conclude that not only is the dining hall affecting students’ fruit consumption, but also students have less sex.


While many, if not dozens, of factors contribute to both trends, Haystack analysts hypothesize that the lack in sex is mostly due to an injury sidelining Taylor McGregor ‘21, who was responsible for 40% of sex at Williams in September.


Education


Another question investigated by Haystack analysts was, “Is the students learning?” During these troubling times, we know that the students’ education is foremost in everyone’s priorities. The results of the survey found that only 415 out of 2025 respondents responded “Yes,” which is about ¼-ish.

These may be troubling times, but these numbers are troubling indeed, suggesting that the value of online education might even be pretty small, like, as in invaluable, that is, not very valuable. By far the largest response was “Other (please specify),” which Haystack reporters might follow up on eventually.


Emotional Toll


The third and final result of the survey is the most shocking of all, showing the emotional effect of COVID on students this semester. Haystack reporters asked respondents which of the three emotions they were experiencing, and the numbers speak for themselves:

How long must this go on? The numbers don’t lie, and they say that this is very bad.


That’s all for this week’s Haystack By the Numbers. Tune in next week for Sports By the Numbers: How long is a baseball game?

Editors-in-Chief

Lucy Walker     Noah Cohen-Greenberg     Sam Mermin