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Communications Office Will Now Oversee Censorship of The Haystack, █ ██ ███

As the pre-eminent truth-distributor on campus, we at The Haystack feel compelled to keep our readers updated with our publishing process. In this vein, we believe our readers deserve to know that the Office of Communications will now be overseeing censorship of The Haystack. ██.


Head of the Office of Communications and ███ of ██ Mark Markson says that administrative censorship “is the responsible thing to do. We just can’t have any swearing or smearing of administrative figures in campus publications.”


Markson, who looks like someone mixed an ordinary-looking person with a ██ full of ████, is too blind to see how censorship could potentially distort the truth, probably because he’s a complete ████.


Mr. Markson, you are a ███. Your kids know it, your wife knows it, everybody knows it. ██ █ ███.

Editors-in-Chief

Lucy Walker     Noah Cohen-Greenberg     Sam Mermin