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College Salting Policies Bring Decrease In Student Slippage, Increase In Tastiness Of Shoes


Since the depths of winter have descended on the Williams College campus, the college administration has made major changes to the campus salting policies. President Maud Mandel wasted no time in assembling a Committee for the Salting of Streets, Sidewalks, and Stairs. “We put student safety first. So when it began to get cold outside, I knew it was time for a change. Immediately, I rolled out a change for college employees to switch from the Summertime Salting Guidelines, to the Wintertime Salting Guidelines. This means we will put salt on the ground now. We do not put salt on the ground in the summer. We do put salt on the ground in the winter. That’s The Williams Difference.” Mandel stated.


We at the Haystack conducted a number of student surveys regarding the change in salt policies and have compiled our results.


First, we uncovered a correlation between the amount of salt distributed and the amount of student wipe-outs per day:


We have no data collected for 100% salt. The college would not fund our proposed plan of replacing all sidewalks with blocks of salt. We are pursuing other means of funding.


Next, we found that higher salt levels led to less fear surrounding the concept of stairs.


We again have no data on 100% Salt stairs as the college also rejected our funding request to build stairs made completely of salt. It is easily seen that the salt levels have no effect on the fear of indoor stairs. It should not go unnoticed that less than 1% of students fear indoor stairs regardless of salt percentage. It is important to keep this population in mind when viewing outdoor stair data.


We asked students to rate the tastiness of their shoes across variable salt percentages, and then asked to compare the tastiness between shoes that have walked on Summer Salt Guidelines vs Winter Salt Guidelines.



Lastly, we collected data regarding the spillage of snar smoothies around campus.



Salt was found to have no effect. We predict that given the chance to test 100% Salt (funds pending), 100 percent of smoothies will be thrown at the side of your dorm with the fervor of a drunk, angry little league pitcher.