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Report: Those on Book Grant Qualify For Money Back, Hand Stuff
thewilliamshaystack
  • Dec 14, 2019

Report: Those on Book Grant Qualify For Money Back, Hand Stuff

Reimbursement comes in the form of money, not store credit, and also hand-based sexual acts.
Communications Office Will Now Oversee Censorship of The Haystack, █ ██ ███
thewilliamshaystack
  • Dec 4, 2019

Communications Office Will Now Oversee Censorship of The Haystack, █ ██ ███

The Office of Communications will now be overseeing censorship of The Haystack. ██.
Campus Somehow Even Whiter
thewilliamshaystack
  • Dec 2, 2019

Campus Somehow Even Whiter

He’s Div III, I’m Div I: Navigating an Inter-Divisional Relationship
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 24, 2019

He’s Div III, I’m Div I: Navigating an Inter-Divisional Relationship

I had just declared the English major and was telling everyone that getting an MFA sounded like a viable career path when I saw him.
Study Finds Lee’s Open All 23 Hours of the Day You Don’t Want to Go There
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 21, 2019

Study Finds Lee’s Open All 23 Hours of the Day You Don’t Want to Go There

The Snackbar is open at all times to all students, with the exception of you during the times that you want to go.
Not So Wicked: Three Dead After Tom Brady Argument
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 18, 2019

Not So Wicked: Three Dead After Tom Brady Argument

An argument concerning whether or not the Patriots “eat shit for breakfast,” spiraled out of control and left three students dead.
Wise Sophomore Boy Who Took Math 150 Generously Shares Wisdom With First-Year Girls
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 15, 2019

Wise Sophomore Boy Who Took Math 150 Generously Shares Wisdom With First-Year Girls

According to eyewitnesses, Bonnell squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and bravely inserted himself into the conversation.
Heroic D3 Major Boycotts English Department
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 14, 2019

Heroic D3 Major Boycotts English Department

Didn't Go to the Career Fair? Have Fun Being Poor
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 12, 2019

Didn't Go to the Career Fair? Have Fun Being Poor

Our reporters determined that those of you who skipped this epic networking event are destined for a future of being poor as fuck.
Ask The Haystack: My JA Is Into Me and I Don't Know What to Do
thewilliamshaystack
  • Nov 8, 2019

Ask The Haystack: My JA Is Into Me and I Don't Know What to Do

Dear Haystack, My JA wants me, and I don’t know what to do.
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Editorial Board

Noah Cohen-Greenberg     Sam Mermin     Lucy Walker

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Writing Staff

Asher Gladstone     Melia Hagino     Lizzie High     Mati Rogers     Kevin Ryan

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Social Media

Sara Stebbins     Shenba Vairavan     Darlie Kerns